Quick Hollywood Gossip Round Up Vol. 1

You know you’ve messed up when you are fired from being the spokesperson for your own nightclub. Citing a failure to “attend scheduled appearances at the location in downtown Orlando,” Club Paris has fired their namesake Paris Hilton. But they’re not changing the name, deciding instead that the club will now represent the French city.

When the club opened two years ago, Hilton showed up to the grand opening party 6 hours late, then stayed for only an hour or so. According to the club’s owner, “She’s created a circus for herself. It’s all about: How has she screwed up now?”

Well, duh!! It’s Paris Hilton! She’s a walking disaster. Really the only thing that should be named after her contains penicillin.

For your pure enjoyment, here’s a picture of Paris Hilton getting hit in the face with an ice cube after she tortured the crowd at Pure with her singing the other night.

Below is a picture of Jessica Simpson doing her best impression of her falling career. Good thing she’s got those boobs to help her bounce off the ground. Those things can double as airbags.

In other Simpson news, Jessica’s younger sister Ashlee Simpson had a nip slip while at the beach. Personally, I’d rather see Jessica’s n@@@@@s, but Ashlee’s will have to do for now. Until the Jessica Simpson / Nick Lachey sex tape is “leaked”. You know they made one. It’s just a matter of time before we all get to see it.

We can all agree that Hollywood is like High School – everyone dating everyone, people doing drugs, starting fights, etc. So it was no real surprise to me to hear that Kevin Federline made a pass at Lindsay Lohan. Is that an upgrade or a downgrade for Kevin? I’m not really sure. According to sources, Lindsay rejected his advances, which he sent via text message. You’d think that a “rapper” such as KFed would be able to come up with something more creative than, “We should hang out.”

Lohan replied with “Why would I hang out with you?” Federline must not have appreciated that and in response took a high road and called her a “firecrotch.” (Keep in mind that this particular high road is a High School high road and therefore quite low.)

A friend of Lindsay Lohan’s told US Magazine that “[she] was totally grossed out.” Another pal said, “She thought it was hilarious…She couldn’t believe he was so pathetic. She doesn’t want him using her to make Britney jealous.”

In related news (sort of), Lindsay Lohan is having her appendix removed. But this is Hollywood, so she could really be getting a nose job or butt lift. I wonder if she’ll still sport her little bikinis with a big scar.

The picture below is of Lindsay Lohan on the set of Georgia Rule, with Garry Marshall and Jane Fonda her director and costar (respectively). The trio was together to celebrate Jane Fonda’s 69th birthday.

Check out where Jane’s hand is. I do believe she’s holding up Lindsay’s shirt. How sweet of Ms. Fonda, but doesn’t she know that we’ve all seen Lindsay Lohan’s boobs several times before? It’s nothing new to us.