The next time you’re at a party, and the conversation stalls, getting it going again with one of these questions. Or ponder them when you’re stuck in traffic. Or on the can.

*How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

*Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

*Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

*What disease did cured ham actually have?

*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

*Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

*If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

*Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

*Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

*Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

*Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

*If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

*If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

*Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

*Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

*Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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