Air Raid!

When I was a kid, we had Earthquake drills. When my parents were children, they had air raid drills. I’ll take an Earthquake over an Air Raid any day, thank you very much.

Yesterday I received in the mail some items that my parents found in a trunk that belonged to my maternal grandmother. One of the items made me laugh so hard, I knew I had to share it.

AIR RAID INSTRUCTIONS FOR CIVILIANS

1. As soon as the bombs start dropping, run like Hell. It doesn’t matter where, as long as you run. Wear track shoes if possible. If the people running ahead of you are slower and fall down, you won’t have any trouble passing them or jumping over them.

2. Take advantage of opportunities afforded you when the air raid sirens sound the warning of attack or blackout:
A. If in a bakery, grab a pie.
B. If in a tavern, grab a beer.
C. If in a movie, grab a blond.

3. If you find an unexploded bomb, pick it up and shake it. Maybe the firing pin is stuck.

4. If an incendiary bomb is found burning in a building, throw gasoline on it – you can’t put it out anyhow, and you might as well have a little fun.

5. When the first bombs fall, holler bloody murder; it will add to the fun and confusions, and scare the hell out of the kids.

6. It’s well to have onions or Limburger handy as a snack before entering a crowded air raid shelter. It may make you a very unpopular fellow, but you’ll have lots more room for yourself.

7. If you should be a victim of a direct hit, don’t go to pieces – just lie still and the sanitation squad will attend to you.

8. If an air raid warden starts to tell you what to do, knock him down and kick his teeth in. Wardens always save the best seats for themselves and their friends.

Image Source: Tyne Lives