Today I Am A Blonde…

Let me just start off by saying that I always have a lot on my mind and am usually very good about not letting it all get jumbled in my head. But today, not so much. First I wrote myself a note to put on my dashboard to remind me to buy Jell-O after work, and left it at home. Along with my cell phone. Then I dropped my sunglasses when I got to my office, and they broke. They’re from the dollar store, so it’s no real biggie, but it’s still annoying. Then I drove to the other office to bring someone a file, and pick up some other stuff, only to realize when I got there, I didn’t have the file. But I had the note I had written to myself reminding me to grab it before I left. So I got what I needed from that office and drove back to my office to get the file. I decided to leave my purse in the car since I was just running in and out. I bet you think you know where this is going…..but you’re wrong. It’s so much better than that…

I grabbed the file I needed, answered two phone calls since I was standing there, and got ready to leave again. But I didn’t get very far because I couldn’t find my keys. Oh great, I thought (but in much more colorful language), I locked my keys in my car with my purse. So, I called AAA. I have AAA Plus which is awesome, by the way — 100 FREE miles of towing! The guy arrived and unlocked my car. I grabbed my purse to get my keys…………….

…..only to find that they weren’t in my purse!! WTF??? Where the heck were they? They had to be somewhere. This is where a bit of panic started to set in. I asked one of my co-workers to help me look for them in and around my car, but no such luck. A little bit more panic, now.

I took a deep breath and retraced my steps. First I went into the office from where I had grabbed the file. I sat in the chair as I had done, and looked all around. Nothing. So I scooted the chair back to stand up and hit the paper shredder. Jingle, jingle. I turned and looked at the shredder, and sure enough, there were my keys! Camouflaged. Right where I had left them.

Man! It’s times like these that I am reminded that I am not in control of the universe. And that it’s really a great thing to able to laugh at yourself.

In honor of me being a dingbat today, here are a couple blonde jokes…

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then …” he sighed, “let’s put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!”

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, “Well little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?”

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, “CRAP! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!”