Quick Hollywood Gossip Round Up Vol. 12

Before I get started with my Hollywood Gossip Round Up, let me tell you a wonderful “Case of the Mondays” story, starring your’s truly.

Today I went to the dumpster at my office to throw away a bunch of crap. I opened the dumpster and noticed that a perfectly good archive box was in there. Oh hell no, I thought, I paid for that; so I dumped out what was in it and took the box out. Then I noticed that there was a bunch of stuff in the dumpster that should not have been thrown away. I won’t bore you with those details, just know that it wasn’t actually trash and it needed to be retrieved. Time for dumpster diving! Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I had to dive into a dumpster…but that’s a different story for a different day. I went to the side of the dumpster where there was a curb thing (thank goodness), so I stood on that instead of actually having to get in the dumpster. As I am leaning into the huge heavy monster on wheels, it slides a bit to my left and the hard plastic lid comes down on my head. My hands are full at this point, so I’m really not able to instantly do anything about the situation. The episode of CSI where the college girl is squished to death by a dumpster flashes before my eyes. This, of course, makes me laugh, and I am really unable to do anything. After about a minute I dropped the stuff from my right hand and removed the lid from the top of my head. About 30 seconds later, I removed a piece of wooden furniture and scraped the whole inside of my left calf as I put it on the ground. I suppose this would be a good time to mention that right before I left my office to venture to dumpster land, I impaled my thumb with a staple.

Ahhh! Mondays!

And now for some news from the world outside of myself…

Lindsay Lohan left rehab last Friday and took the opportunity to party in Las Vegas. But don’t worry, she’s staying sober. In fact, she is voluntarily wearing an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet. No, really! Jeanette’s Celebrity Corner

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell got hitched on Saturday. It’s about time! Seems like they’ve been engaged for forever and a day! Monica Monroe’s Entertainment Buzz

Britney Spears gained a puppy this past weekend and lost a friend in the Humane Society. Celebrity Dog Watcher

Perhaps that explains the new look. Celebridiot

Paris Hilton is in hiding – but her n@@@@e sure isn’t. Oh, and by ‘in hiding’ I mean she’s in Malibu being photographed instead of in Beverly Hills. The Hollywood Gossip

Hillary Duff can’t see herself with one man her whole life. Yeah right. She’s just saying that because her ex has knocked up Nicole Richie. It’s clearly a defense mechanism. I’m sure her tune will change when she meets “the one.” Celebrity Gossips

Forget what you’ve heard, Ivanka Trump will not be replacing Rosie O’Donnell on The View. Can you hear my heart breaking? Oh wait, that’s just my squeaky chair. Celebrity Wise