And Then The Fight Started - Joke
Just a little something to help start your week off with a laugh…..
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station…
And then the fight started….
*****
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind [...]
The Indian And The Buffalo - Joke
I don’t know about where you’re sitting, but where I’m sitting it’s incredibly hot; over 105 degrees hot. Oh, and all the fires in the Northern California region, are blowing their smoke into the valley in which I live. Needless to say, the air out there is on the verge of being unbreathable.
These nasty conditions [...]
Redneck Woman In The Welfare Office - Joke
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?”
“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must [...]
Fairy Tales For A Saturday.
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”
The girl said, “No!”
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had [...]
George W. Bush Is A Saint.
In 306 days, George W. Bush will finally be out of the White House; which is great for the country, but not so great for bloggers. I mean, think of all the material we’ll lose? I’ve got to get in as many George Dubya posts as I can…
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit [...]
Lessons In Forgiveness.
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder
Sure, forgiveness breaks the link, but so does death…
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many [...]
Just Another Ladies Night Out.
Disclaimer: This story does not any way reflect me or my life.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’ I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, [...]
Square Testicles And The Old Lady - Joke
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee [...]
Britney Spears And The Mental Hospital
Britney Spears is bipolar, plane and simple. I’ve been saying it for months and months, and now finally she is doing something about it. It’s a very good sign that she agreed to this hospitalization and I really hope she stays for a long time. I’ve mentioned before that a member of my family is [...]
Estate Planning - Joke
My father used to tell me that it’s just as easy to marry rich as it is to marry poor – you just have to meet the rich. He stopped telling me that a few years ago. Now he just wants me to marry someone. Too bad for him, though; such an event isn’t going [...]
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? - Joke
It’s Friday!! Time for a little fun – a new take on an old favorite (in alphabetical order)…
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe [...]
Monday Afternoon Pain
Well, I am certainly having a case of the Mondays today. I hit my head earlier coming up from plugging something in under my desk. Then about 10 minutes ago I pinched the side of my palm in a rusty metal lock and am now watching it turn different colors. Yes, I have ice on [...]
Reach Out And Touch Someone. But Not Her.
I either have a lot on my mind tonight, or my brain has shut down, because I seem to be having issues focusing on gossip. I’m reading it, but nothing seems to be sticking.
Oh my! Did I just say that?? What is my world coming to?
As I walked down the busy street, knowing I was [...]
The Blonde and The Blind Man - Joke
Tomorrow is Halloween, which means I have to get my beauty rest so I’m bright and cheery to be dark and dreary.
Halloween of Hilary past…
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells [...]
Praise Jesus! It’s Friday!!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:
1. He called everyone “brother”
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. [...]
Divorced Barbie - Joke
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the salesperson, “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”
The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out [...]
George Dubya And The Four Parachutes.
A plane is about to crash. There are 5 passengers on board, but there are only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger says, “I am Ronaldo, the best soccer player in the world. The soccer world needs me, and I cannot die on my fans.” He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.
The second [...]
The Blonde And The Flowers - Joke
A blonde and a redhead were walking down the street and passed a flower shop where the redhead spotted her boyfriend buying her flowers.
She sighed and said, “Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.”
The blonde looked at the redhead quizzically and said, “You don’t like getting flowers from your boyfriend?”
The redhead replied, “I [...]
Friday Fun.
It’s finally Friday! I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a pretty long week. Time to relax and laugh…..
A woman got into her car and discovered that the steering wheel was gone, the radio was gone, and the accelerator and brake pedals were gone. She was just about to report it to the police [...]
The Shaky Old Lady - Joke
The next time you see a little old lady with shaky hands, remember this story:
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it [...]
