Hollywood Gossip - Life Altering Knowledge - and More!

Just a little something to help start your week off with a laugh…..

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station…

And then the fight started….

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind [...]

It’s Friday, it’s hot and I’ve had a long week. ‘Nough said.

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none [...]

I don’t know about where you’re sitting, but where I’m sitting it’s incredibly hot; over 105 degrees hot. Oh, and all the fires in the Northern California region, are blowing their smoke into the valley in which I live. Needless to say, the air out there is on the verge of being unbreathable.

These nasty conditions [...]

Demographics of American Newspapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today [...]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?”

“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must [...]

I’ve been hanging on to this one for a while, and now I know why; it was waiting for a day just like today. In a nutshell, I had a poopy day; nothing too serious, just one of those days.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my [...]

A friend emailed this to me the other day. There’s no real validity to any of it (it’s the mutated offspring of a simple joke), but it still made me laugh; and we can all use a good laugh.

Gates vs. GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way [...]

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee [...]

Britney Spears is bipolar, plane and simple. I’ve been saying it for months and months, and now finally she is doing something about it. It’s a very good sign that she agreed to this hospitalization and I really hope she stays for a long time. I’ve mentioned before that a member of my family is [...]

Below you will find an actual letter from a woman in Austin, TX to Proctor and Gamble, regarding their feminine hygiene products. This letter was PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher:

I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their [...]

And we wonder why our children are turning out the way they are…..

These are real notes written by parents…. Spellings have been left intact.

•My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

•Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

•Dear school: please [...]

Yesterday was a pretty intense day, thanks to Britney Spears, so I thought I would start of today with a joke.

A Texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating [...]

It’s Friday!! Time for a little fun – a new take on an old favorite (in alphabetical order)…

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe [...]

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

• 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

• 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

• Time between slipping [...]

It’s the Holiday Season, and with that comes grumpy grumpy scrooges. Have you ever noticed how no one is in a good mood in mall parking lots during this time of year? And there’s nothing worse than dealing with Customer Service at Christmas…

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!

This is so priceless [...]

e-mail one

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual [...]

Well, I am certainly having a case of the Mondays today. I hit my head earlier coming up from plugging something in under my desk. Then about 10 minutes ago I pinched the side of my palm in a rusty metal lock and am now watching it turn different colors. Yes, I have ice on [...]

One week from today, Thanksgiving will kick off the 2007 Holiday Season. Well, in America anyway, and only if you don’t count Halloween. But other than that, it’s the beginning.

Last year I was thankful for plenty. This year, eh, not so much. Oh sure, I appreciate the little things in life, like water and shelter [...]

I either have a lot on my mind tonight, or my brain has shut down, because I seem to be having issues focusing on gossip. I’m reading it, but nothing seems to be sticking.

Oh my! Did I just say that?? What is my world coming to?

As I walked down the busy street, knowing I was [...]

Tomorrow is Halloween, which means I have to get my beauty rest so I’m bright and cheery to be dark and dreary.

Halloween of Hilary past…

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells [...]