Please Note: This is an email forward, so if it’s wrong in any way, it’s not my fault. This one is priceless… A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel... 

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.” *** A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000... 

Here’s another little something funny my mom sent me….. An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the doctor’s sleek shiny car and asks, ‘What kind of car ya got there, sonny?’ The doctor replies, ‘A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!’ ‘That’s a lot of money,’ says the old man. ‘Why does... 

Don’t know about where you are, but in my parts, it’s been cold, cold, cold. More so than years past – thanks to the Artic storms that met up in the Artic to create a double Artic storm. My boyfriend was at his cabin in the Sierra Foothills of California last weekend and almost got snowed in. It took him five hours to shovel the driveway enough to get out so he could come home. When my friend sent me the following email, I thought... 

Just a little something to help start your week off with a laugh….. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station… And then the fight started…. ***** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized... 

It’s Friday, it’s hot and I’ve had a long week. ‘Nough said. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill “A modest little... 

I don’t know about where you’re sitting, but where I’m sitting it’s incredibly hot; over 105 degrees hot. Oh, and all the fires in the Northern California region, are blowing their smoke into the valley in which I live. Needless to say, the air out there is on the verge of being unbreathable. These nasty conditions are making me really tired too. I can’t seem to focus. But I don’t want to leave you with nothing, so here… An... 

Demographics of American Newspapers 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however,... 

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?” “Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll... 

I’ve been hanging on to this one for a while, and now I know why; it was waiting for a day just like today. In a nutshell, I had a poopy day; nothing too serious, just one of those days. 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room... 

A friend emailed this to me the other day. There’s no real validity to any of it (it’s the mutated offspring of a simple joke), but it still made me laugh; and we can all use a good laugh. Gates vs. GM For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry... 

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her... 

Britney Spears is bipolar, plane and simple. I’ve been saying it for months and months, and now finally she is doing something about it. It’s a very good sign that she agreed to this hospitalization and I really hope she stays for a long time. I’ve mentioned before that a member of my family is bipolar, so I know first hand what it’s like to deal with someone with a serious mental illness and is so ill they can’t conceptualize... 

Below you will find an actual letter from a woman in Austin, TX to Proctor and Gamble, regarding their feminine hygiene products. This letter was PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter. Dear Mr. Thatcher: I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak-Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably... 

And we wonder why our children are turning out the way they are….. These are real notes written by parents…. Spellings have been left intact. • My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. • Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. • Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. • Please excuse gloria... 

Yesterday was a pretty intense day, thanks to Britney Spears, so I thought I would start of today with a joke. A Texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man.... 

It’s Friday!! Time for a little fun – a new take on an old favorite (in alphabetical order)… AL GORE: I invented the chicken! AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? ANDERSON COOPER – CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the... 

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi • 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton • 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1bananosecond • Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram • Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =Knotfurlong • 16.5 feet in the Twilight... 

It’s the Holiday Season, and with that comes grumpy grumpy scrooges. Have you ever noticed how no one is in a good mood in mall parking lots during this time of year? And there’s nothing worse than dealing with Customer Service at Christmas… Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January,... 

e-mail one Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity...