In honor of the large amount of alcohol I consumed this past weekend, here are some wise words….. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this... 

Sure, your life sucks, but it could be worse. At least it’s not the 16th Century… *Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor; hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. *Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of... 

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the salesperson, “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?” The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for... 

A blonde and a redhead were walking down the street and passed a flower shop where the redhead spotted her boyfriend buying her flowers. She sighed and said, “Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.” The blonde looked at the redhead quizzically and said, “You don’t like getting flowers from your boyfriend?” The redhead replied, “I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after he... 

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment. The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the... 

My birthday is this coming Saturday (hint, hint, wink, wink) so in honor of the wonderful day, I thought I would share with you some wise words from 60 Minutes personality, Andy Rooney. When I think of Andy Rooney, I usually think of a grumpy old man. But, he does have some great things to say about women over 40. I’m not forty yet, but I hope to be in about ten years. I also hope to never feel the NEED to buy a whole pig. But I may... 

Here are some more interesting facts from my friend Rhobby. He is just a fountain of random information. I love it! *North Dakota has never had an earthquake. *Illinois has the most personalized license plates. *Twinkies used to be filled with banana – until there was a U.S. banana shortage. *Hostess Fruit Pies have beef in them. *Japan watches more TV than any other country. *Hawaii moves closer to Japan an average of 4 inches a year. *Macadamia... 

The next time you see a little old lady with shaky hands, remember this story: A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?” The clerk, politely trying not... 

HAPPY MONDAY! I had an awesome weekend hanging with my baby nephew, and really don’t want to get back to the daily grind. But, such is life. Here’s a little joke to help start off your week. I’ll be doing a Hollywood Gossip Round Up later this evening, so don’t forget to come back. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his... 

I have my kickboxing class tonight, and decided that would be a great reason to post this joke that someone emailed to me years ago. Take it from this Mississippi Woman—it’s funny. If you’re from Pennsylvania or Ohio, please don’t be insulted—it’s just a joke. ***** Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman... 

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. A legal Holiday. Yay No work! In honor of the day off, here are some of the best “out-of-office” email replies… 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am on Vacation. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have... 

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “And... 

I got this email the other day and thought that it went along very nicely with yesterday morning’s post, Celebrity Babies – They’re Everywhere! Kids say the craziest things… A personal note: When I was about two or three, my mom asked me where my please and thank yous were, and I answered with glee, “Somewhere in Oakland.” True fact. It’s even documented in my baby book. NUDITY I was driving with... 

When I was a kid, we had Earthquake drills. When my parents were children, they had air raid drills. I’ll take an Earthquake over an Air Raid any day, thank you very much. Yesterday I received in the mail some items that my parents found in a trunk that belonged to my maternal grandmother. One of the items made me laugh so hard, I knew I had to share it. AIR RAID INSTRUCTIONS FOR CIVILIANS 1. As soon as the bombs start dropping, run... 

The next time you’re at a party, and the conversation stalls, getting it going again with one of these questions. Or ponder them when you’re stuck in traffic. Or on the can. *How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? *Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra... 

Have you ever been picking out fresh broccoli at your local grocery store when you hear the crackle the warns of the mister and you think you have enough time to grab your little green bunch but then the water starts and gets your hand wet? No? Hmm, I must be the only one. I don’t remember those mister things even existing when I was a child. Or maybe I was just never close enough to the vegetables to notice. Here’s a fun chuckle… The... 

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER Spring Classes for Men REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, May 7, 2007 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS, MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays – Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll – Does It Change Itself?... 

Ever get the feeling there are some really dumb people in this world? Well, there are. Caution… They Walk Among Us! *Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting... 

As if it weren’t obvious enough, right? Ha. Ha. *We got off the Titanic first. *We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. *Taxis stop for us. *We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. *No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo. *We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. *If we forget to shave, no one has to know. *We can congratulate our teammate without... 

The following joke is in no way meant to be inappropriate or religiously offensive. Easter is this coming Sunday, so I offer this laugh in the spirit of unity and the knowledge that all religious and moral beliefs aside, we are all human beings and this is the time of year to appreciate life and the earth we all share. A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud...