Hollywood Gossip - Life Altering Knowledge - and More!

It’s Friday, it’s hot and I’ve had a long week. ‘Nough said.

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none [...]

Sorry for no post last night. I’m still doing the moving thing, and having some issues with getting internet at my new place. Apparently I live on a street where dsl companies don’t want to go. Oh, they’ll do the streets around me, but not my place. Just my luck. Geesh.

I realized this week that [...]

Demographics of American Newspapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today [...]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?”

“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must [...]

We’ve all heard them – and some of us have even used them. I’m talking about the ever barfable cheesy pick-up line. Thankfully, the only ones I hear these days come from the mouth of my boyfriend; who, I’m happy to say is quite creative with his words. And, thankfully, knows better than to use [...]

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “No!”

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had [...]

Pun: A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words.

The ability to make and understand puns is the highest level of language development.

The 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest are:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two [...]

Happy Hump Day!

Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who ‘totally zoned when he ran,’ accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth [...]

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder

Sure, forgiveness breaks the link, but so does death…

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many [...]

Disclaimer: This story does not any way reflect me or my life.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’ I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, [...]

I’ve been hanging on to this one for a while, and now I know why; it was waiting for a day just like today. In a nutshell, I had a poopy day; nothing too serious, just one of those days.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my [...]

Today is Monday, and Mondays suck. But it could be worse, I could have no marbles to trade…

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprizing a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes [...]

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee [...]

Below you will find an actual letter from a woman in Austin, TX to Proctor and Gamble, regarding their feminine hygiene products. This letter was PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher:

I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their [...]

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

• 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

• 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

• Time between slipping [...]

Well, I am certainly having a case of the Mondays today. I hit my head earlier coming up from plugging something in under my desk. Then about 10 minutes ago I pinched the side of my palm in a rusty metal lock and am now watching it turn different colors. Yes, I have ice on [...]

One week from today, Thanksgiving will kick off the 2007 Holiday Season. Well, in America anyway, and only if you don’t count Halloween. But other than that, it’s the beginning.

Last year I was thankful for plenty. This year, eh, not so much. Oh sure, I appreciate the little things in life, like water and shelter [...]

I either have a lot on my mind tonight, or my brain has shut down, because I seem to be having issues focusing on gossip. I’m reading it, but nothing seems to be sticking.

Oh my! Did I just say that?? What is my world coming to?

As I walked down the busy street, knowing I was [...]

Today is Monday, and if you’re anything like me, you hate Mondays. For me, it’s simply a reminder of how much I love the weekends and hate having an office job. Let’s start off the week the right way – by feeling really old.

You know if you were born in the 70’s if…

1. You know [...]

In honor of the large amount of alcohol I consumed this past weekend, here are some wise words…..

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t [...]