And we wonder why our children are turning out the way they are….. These are real notes written by parents…. Spellings have been left intact. •My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. •Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. •Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. •Please excuse... 

It’s Friday!! Time for a little fun – a new take on an old favorite (in alphabetical order)… AL GORE: I invented the chicken! AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other... 

To all the young men who got engaged over the holidays, read carefully and take notes… 1. Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing – This is the calm... 

It’s the Holiday Season, and with that comes grumpy grumpy scrooges. Have you ever noticed how no one is in a good mood in mall parking lots during this time of year? And there’s nothing worse than dealing with Customer Service at Christmas… Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January,... 

I either have a lot on my mind tonight, or my brain has shut down, because I seem to be having issues focusing on gossip. I’m reading it, but nothing seems to be sticking. Oh my! Did I just say that?? What is my world coming to? As I walked down the busy street, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days. I saw a person who was wearing... 

Monday’s almost over! Larry King made an ass of himself yet again, this time while interviewing Jerry Seinfeld about his new project, Bee Movie. At a point Larry veered off to discuss Jerry’s old show Seinfeld. The clip below is hilarious. Here’s what led up to it… KING: By the way, when your show started, did you know it was going to make it? SEINFELD: No, no. I thought it would be—it was a show we were doing... 

During Friday’s live taping of Bill Maher’s show, Real Time With Bill Maher, an audience member decided it would be a good idea to disrupt the show. He was wrong. While Congresswoman Sheila Jackson spoke and Bill listened along with his other two guests, Los Angeles Times columnist Joel Stein and MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, some crazy dude with a 9/11 sign stood up and began shouting. Not one to back down, Maher stood up and... 

This is my “depressed stance.” When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this. ~Charlie Brown Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony Those... 

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black: 1. He called everyone “brother” 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn’t get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father’s business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that... 

It’s time to start thinking about what you want for Christmas – or whatever gift-giving/getting holiday you celebrate. Here are two great ideas that are going on my list for sure! It’s a bit hard to read, so here’s what the Nipple Bra ad says: The look is so provocative, no one would believe you’re actually wearing a bra. Yet you get all the support you want. Our exclusive braless-look-bra is the very first... 

In honor of the large amount of alcohol I consumed this past weekend, here are some wise words….. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this... 

The following piece was written by a personal friend of mine, after her experience at this year’s Folsom Street Fair. I was actually in San Francisco the day before for the Love Parade, but from the sound of things, Saturday’s festival was very different from Sunday’s. I took it upon myself to go to the Folsom Street Fair this past Sunday. It’s been called the “Largest Leather Gathering” in the world.... 

Is it just me, or is hearing about athletes using steroids starting to become as common as hearing about members of government being gay? Why is alcohol legal and marijuana is illegal, when booze is the cause of way more fatalities? How come men named Dick usually are ones? Why is it that the cars without their lights on in the rain are silver, gray, or white? If they can take pictures of Mars, why can’t they create an 18-wheeler that... 

Remember last Friday when I mentioned Idiocracy? Well folks, the road to that world has already begun (some would argue that it actually began about seven years ago)... President George W. Bush told a group of New York school kids on Wednesday: “Childrens do learn.” ... During his first presidential campaign, Bush—who promised to be the “education president”—once asked: “Is our children learning?”... 

How is your week going so far? It’s a fact: Male drivers vs Female drivers… Men are more than twice as likely to die in a car crash than women, consider the yearly statistics shown below. In fact, studies have shown as many as 73 percent of all people killed in car accidents are male. Since record keeping began: male fatalities significantly outweigh female fatalities. However men and women do not drive the same number of miles... 

It is often said, and I completely agree, that John Stewart has the best job in the world. The Daily Show is the most entertaining news shows on television – with The Colbert Report coming in a close second. Sure, the show has great writers, but more importantly it has John Stewart who is one of the funniest men on the planet today. What would John Stewart ask OJ Simpson if given the chance to interview him? Al Capone, in case you...