And Then The Fight Started - Joke
Just a little something to help start your week off with a laugh…..
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station…
And then the fight started….
*****
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind [...]
When Insults Had Class
It’s Friday, it’s hot and I’ve had a long week. ‘Nough said.
These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none [...]
The Indian And The Buffalo - Joke
I don’t know about where you’re sitting, but where I’m sitting it’s incredibly hot; over 105 degrees hot. Oh, and all the fires in the Northern California region, are blowing their smoke into the valley in which I live. Needless to say, the air out there is on the verge of being unbreathable.
These nasty conditions [...]
Redneck Woman In The Welfare Office - Joke
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?”
“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must [...]
Redneck Pick-up Lines.
We’ve all heard them – and some of us have even used them. I’m talking about the ever barfable cheesy pick-up line. Thankfully, the only ones I hear these days come from the mouth of my boyfriend; who, I’m happy to say is quite creative with his words. And, thankfully, knows better than to use [...]
It’s Wednesday. Time For Some Crack.
No, not the crack that Tatum O’Neal bought and never got to smoke. I’m talking cracked pots. They can tell you a lot about life, actually…
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it [...]
Estate Planning - Joke
My father used to tell me that it’s just as easy to marry rich as it is to marry poor – you just have to meet the rich. He stopped telling me that a few years ago. Now he just wants me to marry someone. Too bad for him, though; such an event isn’t going [...]
The Best Consumer Letter EVER!
Below you will find an actual letter from a woman in Austin, TX to Proctor and Gamble, regarding their feminine hygiene products. This letter was PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher:
I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their [...]
American Parents Are Dumb.
And we wonder why our children are turning out the way they are…..
These are real notes written by parents…. Spellings have been left intact.
•My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
•Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
•Dear school: please [...]
The Texan And A Bottle Of Wine - Joke
Yesterday was a pretty intense day, thanks to Britney Spears, so I thought I would start of today with a joke.
A Texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating [...]
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? - Joke
It’s Friday!! Time for a little fun – a new take on an old favorite (in alphabetical order)…
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe [...]
The Best Human Resources Email Ever!
e-mail one
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual [...]
The Blonde and The Blind Man - Joke
Tomorrow is Halloween, which means I have to get my beauty rest so I’m bright and cheery to be dark and dreary.
Halloween of Hilary past…
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells [...]
Betcha’ Didn’t Know…..Vol. 9. The 1500’s.
Sure, your life sucks, but it could be worse. At least it’s not the 16th Century…
*Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor; hence, [...]
George Dubya And The Four Parachutes.
A plane is about to crash. There are 5 passengers on board, but there are only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger says, “I am Ronaldo, the best soccer player in the world. The soccer world needs me, and I cannot die on my fans.” He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.
The second [...]
The Blonde And The Flowers - Joke
A blonde and a redhead were walking down the street and passed a flower shop where the redhead spotted her boyfriend buying her flowers.
She sighed and said, “Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.”
The blonde looked at the redhead quizzically and said, “You don’t like getting flowers from your boyfriend?”
The redhead replied, “I [...]
The Assignment - Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment.
The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off [...]
Andy Rooney On Women Over 40
My birthday is this coming Saturday (hint, hint, wink, wink) so in honor of the wonderful day, I thought I would share with you some wise words from 60 Minutes personality, Andy Rooney.
When I think of Andy Rooney, I usually think of a grumpy old man. But, he does have some great things to say [...]
Friday Fun.
It’s finally Friday! I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a pretty long week. Time to relax and laugh…..
A woman got into her car and discovered that the steering wheel was gone, the radio was gone, and the accelerator and brake pedals were gone. She was just about to report it to the police [...]
The Shaky Old Lady - Joke
The next time you see a little old lady with shaky hands, remember this story:
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it [...]
