It’s finally Friday! I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a pretty long week. Time to relax and laugh….. A woman got into her car and discovered that the steering wheel was gone, the radio was gone, and the accelerator and brake pedals were gone. She was just about to report it to the police when she discovered she was in the back seat. A man was examined at a hospital and was awaiting the results. The doctor comes... 

The next time you see a little old lady with shaky hands, remember this story: A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?” The clerk, politely trying not... 

HAPPY MONDAY! I had an awesome weekend hanging with my baby nephew, and really don’t want to get back to the daily grind. But, such is life. Here’s a little joke to help start off your week. I’ll be doing a Hollywood Gossip Round Up later this evening, so don’t forget to come back. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his... 

I have my kickboxing class tonight, and decided that would be a great reason to post this joke that someone emailed to me years ago. Take it from this Mississippi Woman—it’s funny. If you’re from Pennsylvania or Ohio, please don’t be insulted—it’s just a joke. ***** Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman... 

George Bush goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids to get a little P.R. time in. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. “Stanley,” responds the little boy. “And what is your question, Stanley?” “I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third,... 

Let me just start off by saying that I always have a lot on my mind and am usually very good about not letting it all get jumbled in my head. But today, not so much. First I wrote myself a note to put on my dashboard to remind me to buy Jell-O after work, and left it at home. Along with my cell phone. Then I dropped my sunglasses when I got to my office, and they broke. They’re from the dollar store, so it’s no real biggie, but... 

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. A legal Holiday. Yay No work! In honor of the day off, here are some of the best “out-of-office” email replies… 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am on Vacation. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have... 

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “And... 

I got this email the other day and thought that it went along very nicely with yesterday morning’s post, Celebrity Babies – They’re Everywhere! Kids say the craziest things… A personal note: When I was about two or three, my mom asked me where my please and thank yous were, and I answered with glee, “Somewhere in Oakland.” True fact. It’s even documented in my baby book. NUDITY I was driving with... 

When I was a kid, we had Earthquake drills. When my parents were children, they had air raid drills. I’ll take an Earthquake over an Air Raid any day, thank you very much. Yesterday I received in the mail some items that my parents found in a trunk that belonged to my maternal grandmother. One of the items made me laugh so hard, I knew I had to share it. AIR RAID INSTRUCTIONS FOR CIVILIANS 1. As soon as the bombs start dropping, run... 

About a month ago, I did a post on Coke vs. Water. Now it’s time for Butter vs. Margarine. Here’s a scary thought… Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they... 

Have you ever been picking out fresh broccoli at your local grocery store when you hear the crackle the warns of the mister and you think you have enough time to grab your little green bunch but then the water starts and gets your hand wet? No? Hmm, I must be the only one. I don’t remember those mister things even existing when I was a child. Or maybe I was just never close enough to the vegetables to notice. Here’s a fun chuckle… The... 

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER Spring Classes for Men REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, May 7, 2007 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS, MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays – Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll – Does It Change Itself?... 

Ever get the feeling there are some really dumb people in this world? Well, there are. Caution… They Walk Among Us! *Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting... 

As if it weren’t obvious enough, right? Ha. Ha. *We got off the Titanic first. *We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. *Taxis stop for us. *We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. *No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo. *We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. *If we forget to shave, no one has to know. *We can congratulate our teammate without... 

The following joke is in no way meant to be inappropriate or religiously offensive. Easter is this coming Sunday, so I offer this laugh in the spirit of unity and the knowledge that all religious and moral beliefs aside, we are all human beings and this is the time of year to appreciate life and the earth we all share. A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud... 

I believe that if you can’t laugh at yourself, you can’t laugh at anything. Fortunately I find myself laughing at me often. Last night was no exception. Imagine if you will, a subdivision in the middle of basically nothing, where all the houses look the same. There is no on street parking, but one particular BMW with a custom plate doesn’t seem to know this rule. If you were to look at this place from above, it would look... 

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the garden and he wouldn’t ask for directions. 9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don’t want to see what’s ON TV, they want to see what ELSE is on.) 8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appointment. 7. God knew that, when Adam’s fig leaf wore out, he would never buy... 

I received the below “resume” back in 2004, around election time. I thought it would be a great thing to share today since it’s Presidents’ Day. Below it is a video clip that is at least a year old, but sadly still relevant. *** 2004 – Election Year George W. Bush The White House, USA Please consider my qualifications for reelection (well, actually, election for the first time) this year. EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE... 

Anna Nicole Smith died yesterday at the young age of 39. I dedicate this post to her. Before her death in 1996, American humorist Erma Bombeck made a list entitledIf I Had My Life To Live Over. My mother mailed me a copy a few years ago and I found it recently while going through some random papers. I hope you enjoy her words as much as I do. They are funny and wise, and definitely worth thinking about. IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER By...